In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
