The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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