She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
