Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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