People with herpes should wear stickers.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He? As in you personified your dick?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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