I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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