and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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