What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
