it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize