I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
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