you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
