Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
