One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
