at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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