I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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