i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
