it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
