My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
