Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
