The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize