how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
