Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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