I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
