she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
