So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Let's get the cat blown out
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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