clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
