we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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