Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize