dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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