This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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