my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
