apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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