if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize