you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
