Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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