I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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