Well douche your snatch and let's go!
is wine microwaveable?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
