she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
