cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
