I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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