Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
