i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize