So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
