I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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