So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
