I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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