So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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