He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
