Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize