i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You need Xanax blowdarts
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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