I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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