thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
