I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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