I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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