Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
