just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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