dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize