Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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