i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
3pm strippers are depressing
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
