Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
