Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
ttyl tear gas
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
