I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You can't just leave with hair like that
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
