You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
